I am back from a long hiatus. No it was not a sabbatical neither was it forced. It is called as sheer lack of motivation, immense pressure at the day job and lack of all the rest of the things that really require when it comes to sticking to the original plans. Of course, forget the whole “one blog per week” and “brining the change in my social living” plans. Now, who cares about the travel bucket list and the big, big plans for the self anyway?
Really disappointed with the self for a number of reasons today and it has nothing to do with the fact that it’s Monday. I should have been upbeat about the fact that my appraisal is due and the fact that the parents are planning a visit by the end of this week as well.
Oh, sometimes I really wonder how petty my mind can get. I am mean when I am direct and I hate it. I mean whenever I look back and think of the things I shouldn’t have said to a person. Man, it eats me alive! To top it all up, I have this big ego about me being right (at most of the occasions I really am right). Sometimes I go wrong and come up with venting posts that I am developing into these blog posts these days.
Another thing I have been meaning to regret is the habit of jumping on to the conclusions. It has always been my favorite hobby. It sometimes gets back, whenever it feels like. And when I try to be over smart and come out even more foolish than people think I am…it’s just so terrible! I take pride in myself for a number of things. I might also have a tinge of superiority complex, which overpowers many other things. Low tolerance for stupidity and mind numbingly slow thinkers makes it worse.
With this introduction you must have figured out my mood. No, I am not being hard on myself. I am too self-involved to do that…
Anyways, it’s exactly two months since I published my last post. A lot has happened in these two months including numerous aspirations, opportunities to grow and instances to regret. Amidst this entire chaos, I am growing older and older by the day…Phew…Hopefully, I am back on the track with my once a week blog plan. Wish me luck!
As it turns out, I am just one day away from turning 28. I am silently hoping for this apocalyptic breakdown to swing its direction and show up after a few more decades. I don’t want to turn 28 – plain and simple! But then, I didn’t want to turn 27 either! I’ve been pestering those around me with the age-related insecurities since the time I turned 25! The realization of getting closer and closer to the magic number of 30 has been scaring me since I completed the first quarter of my life.
When I turned 27 last year, I co-incidentally read an interesting article about the significance of that age and deaths of many artists! From Jim Morrison to Amy Winehouse, they all had their chances up until they turned 27! Well, I am not scared of death so to speak, it’s the achievements that bother me! When I was in college and started to understand the tremendous ‘value’ life has, I planned number of things for me. These were some general things, which included, love, success, money, and security to travel the world!
In short, I am talking about my ultimate bucket list! It’s like I have wasted so much of time in doing nothing and now the time is showing its importance all over again! As a child, 25 or 28 were just so faraway numbers! Even as I got to my 20’s, I never paid attention to the fact that I’ll soon be head deep in my 20’s fighting for a way out! I’ll be officially, anatomically, and socially old! Apart from my father constantly reminding me to settle down, from Sunday, the rest of the world will also start calling me old.
So, as I prepare myself and those around me to get on with my Birthday Weekend, I am not going to bring in fake optimism with resolutions, futuristic positivity, and ‘you are as old as you feel’ crap! Damn, I am getting old and I want to get wasted enough to forget the consciousness about the space, time, and age. We’ll see if I reciprocate to my age once we are over will this turning 28 catastrophe!
Carrying on with my earlier post, I need to start socializing and I need to do it now. I am tired of sitting at home. Tired of reading books, tired of going through the same episodes of Friends and Mad Men (can’t get enough! Have to admit!), tired of shopping, tired of sleeping the time off! Just tired!
Need to get going with so many plans and lists I made in the past few days cause they are driving me crazy! Let’s start by writing off two major things – reading and watching movies. According to ‘get going’ agenda, I need to get out of the house and unless I don’t stop these two things, I simple can’t do that!
My parents have always been an example when it comes to discipline. Sometimes I really wonder how I lagged so far behind on that front! Talk about genetics! Jokes apart, I need to reorganize some things and some people in my life, which starts with my own self! Let’s give it a month, shall we?
I want to spend this whole month coming up with a definite change in lifestyle and mindset. I say, gather whatever inspiration and motivation that you want and get moving! Get hold of a strong tool to get connected with people socially! I don’t think it is that hard, if you are ready to give it a little try.
One month it is! So, people! Anyone of you have any suggestions for me to accomplish the ‘get going’ agenda?
So WordPress tells me that today marks my anniversary with them! Happy Birthday A Mindless Inktramp! You were born two years ago on this very day! I fail to recollect the circumstances when I created you. And even if I do, I now have moved away from it so far, that reminiscing about those memories would be pointless. Albeit, I can’t help but go back in time and analyze how interesting shifts my life is taking. The journey from the total emotional wreck two years ago to a strong and independent human being is quite astonishing even when I look at it.
When I think of this blog as my connection point with the world or the thread I created just to vent out whenever and whatever my mind blabbered, I fail to impress myself. Well, for a number of reasons:
- Irregularity in thoughts notes and posts
- Lack of commitment towards the promise of writing at least once a week
- Lack of dedication in turning those hundreds of ‘drafts’ into ‘published’ blogs
- In short, carelessness towards self improvement
There, there! Without being typical Overcritical Me, let’s just conclude on a positive note here. Let’s make a deal, say once a week again? Done then! I will be making an honest attempt to start scribbling about something or the other EVERY WEEK. Be it random, special or extraordinary. You ought to write to learn and learn to write! So, here we go!
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at the typewriter and bleed.” ~ Ernest Hemingway