shipwreck update

Me and The Guy

Day 9 of living with the excruciating pain in the stomach. I never knew your feel physical pain when your heart breaks. Really! It physically hurts me somewhere around my mid torso and stomach. There is this constant pit inside me that I am carrying wherever I go and whatever I do. So many realizations in such a small amount of time! Man, heartbreak is a tough teacher. So much I have learned about myself and my feelings for him and the world in last 9 days that I wish the last 9 years could have taught me.

All the teachings and all the learning lead me to only two eventualities – self love and optimism. We are made for each other. Two totally mismatched souls that don’t really fit into the worldly formats of ‘people’ that I know for a fact, belong with each other. I know, those souls will end up together. They have to! Until then, I have to take care of this shipwreck. Make her feel loved and wanted. Make her realize how genuine and selfless she is and teach her how to nurture it.

Learning ways to become a more open and giving person. Because she needs to keep giving love and sending out positive vibes for days to come.


of broken relationships

Me and The Guy

“The inevitable happened. I finally reached the far end of the desert and the mirage left me shattered. It’s over. It’s over between him and me. It’s over after almost ten years. There’s no better, less painful way to say this.

The most extraordinary part of my ordinary life, my voice of reason, my security blanket, my root of rebel, my Santa Claus, “mine” no more… said he doesn’t love me anymore. He said he has found someone who “loves him more than anything”. How easily he forgot, I still love him more than anything too!

Today I know how it feels to be a shipwreck, how it feels to be lost, how it feels to be broken, I am all that and more today.

Writing helps they said. It clears your head they said. I don’t need to clear my head. I love him, still. Clearing head would mean letting go of that feeling? How can I do that? How to deal with this undescribable pain? How to smile through this terrible pit in my stomach? How?”

The Couple That Hates Valentine’s Day…

Me and The Guy

“Valentine’s Day is such a passé!”

“We don’t celebrate Valentine’s day, because every day is a Valentine’s Day for us!”

“Couple reserving dinner tables at some fancy restaurants weeks in advance and still waiting in line to reach one is definitely not romantic!”

You start hearing these and many similar expressions about the “Lovers’ Day” for about a week away from 14th February. Frankly speaking, I may have used one of these statements myself on a couple of occasions. My point is, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, despite all the views and counterviews and having that feeling of expressing our love towards each other on the very special day. I think, celebration and cold criticism over this lovely tradition both have equally become a big cliché. For us, the reasons are simple and quite personal.

Tomorrow will ring in the fifth V-Day in our lives as a couple and if I am not wrong, we have spent all of them together, if not celebrated! No pre-planning, advanced bookings, fancy restaurants; just the two of us and some tea! Sometimes, a classic movie or random conversations adding up to the charm of spending time in simpler ways. We are still a couple very much in love and we were on the first Valentine’s Day as well. The only difference is, we never realized celebrating this day was such a big deal if we have to prove our love towards each other to the entire world!

I vividly remember our conversation before the first 14th February that we were to spend together. He asked me, “What do you think about Valentine’s Days?” I, obviously having no experience good or bad in that department said, “I don’t think they define love.” And, our thoughts matched! He said, “Me neither!” The chapter was closed then and there and we never really brought it up. Just like the times when he told me that he won’t be giving me any flowers on random occasions, which he finds odd. I said, “I am cool with it. I don’t like them much either. We never brought that topic up too!

Lots of things have happened since then that drifted us apart and brought closer than ever. When I look back at all those years, you know what I realize? None of those things happened on a Valentine’s Day! Did it make that moment any less romantic and hard to remember? They certainly didn’t! Then what’s the point forgetting those days and go all out to celebrate on this day, just because the whole world does it? Who, what and why would we need to prove our love just because others are doing it? Maybe it’s the way we both are brought up or the mindset that we shared for all these years that screwed up our opinions?

If you want me to be reasonable to the core of the initial denial, I have some more reasons:

  • February is the most eventful month of the year, especially for the guy!
  • He has three birthdays lined up to celebrate – his Dad, his Mum and Yours Truly!
  • Poor guy will go bankrupt if he plans on to add one more event to his calendar!

Humor apart, I just have to share a funny thing that happened during one of these Valentine’s Days. It was two years back, when we met after my office like the usual and spent some quality time arguing over something. He dropped me off at my place and took off without even bidding adieu. I thought he was angry (uncharacteristic) and was just venting and will come back anyway. I carried on with the evening with my best friend. As we were strolling near the house, he came back with a red rose in his hand! Imagine my reaction – The Guy with red rose in his hand on a Valentine’s Day!

It couldn’t get more clichéd than that! He hates flowers (I secretly love them) and I hate Valentine’s (I am sure he secretly loves them assuming his gesture). So, there! We did it, the cliché, the love and the gesture. We did it that one time, which may categorize us under all the clichés. But who cares? We are “that couple that hates Valentine’s Day!” Who cares? We are still a couple, madly in love, just slightly different! And yes, we have a movie date tomorrow but that’s because it’s a Friday! Have a Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

the guy and his ways!

Me and The Guy

So, after being together for all these years (without killing one another) it is safe to say that I have finally found home. Home – a pure heart, calmer than the freshly drenched forest after the first rains! Well, yes! That’s my idea of calmness. And despite the cheezy euphemism and the thousands of ways that I use to annoy him, I love him! And for him, patiently sticking around with all my moody, narcissistic and passive-controlling ways; it’s beyond safe to call him my man!

I have always wondered how wonderfully mismatched yet romantically harmonious our existence is! Letting him enter my life was probably the biggest decision of my life. And I can’t even begin to imagine what he was really thinking when he decided to do so! Anyways, he casually said today that I’ve not changed one bit in all these years, which is a good thing! He was stating my obviously obstinate ways in a positive manner alright! But it made me think (of course!)

He often spills a lot of facts in similar, casual fashion. He proposed me to spend the rest of our lives together while we were out shopping for groceries! “I think we should get married!”, were his exact words! So, I tend to pick up such small hints that he keeps dropping oh-so-casually! Him saying I didn’t change in all these years is definitely a compliment! And also a concern for a person like me!

Because, I know what he thought about me when we first met! Yeah, he found me blunt, totally oblivious of his existence, rude and kind of introvert (big surprise!). Me not changing from all these trademarks and him still wanting to spend a lifetime with me – doesn’t really fit! This is where we contemplate! Is change really good? Yes, change is natural but is it necessary? Maybe I’m overly criticizing all this and making it way big a deal!

Maybe all that I need is to reciprocate by learning how to make his favorite chicken (at last) and give it a rest with a good night’s sleep! What do you think?