happiness…a state of mind. really?

“Some people can be happy with whatever they got and some others will never be happy even if they got the whole world!” ~ Author Unknown (to me!)

Yes, that’s the thought I read this morning and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since. That’s what idle mind does to you, especially when you are stuck at a traffic signal for more than five minutes! It just wanders and picks its targets with you! Today, this thought was on the list! Anyway! When I think about this line carefully, I cannot help but picture myself living by it. And surprisingly, I find both these people living in me with perfect peace and harmony! yes, I find it strange too! Let’s contemplate, shall we?

Happiness is a state of mind, a choice, a way of living; it is not something to be achieved, it is something to be experienced.”  ~ Steve Maraboli

For me, happiness is still a kind of obscurity, a mysterious state of mind that I never realized I have experienced. Yet, when I start measuring my share of happiness, I always find myself in this ‘state of mind”! So, am I happy right now? Yes, so to say! But…This excerpt from Ayn Rand’s The Virtue of Selfishness makes me dig deeper:

“Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values. If a man values productive work, his happiness is the measure of his success in the service of his life. But if a man values destruction, like a sadist—or self-torture, like a masochist—or life beyond the grave, like a mystic—or mindless “kicks,” like the driver of a hotrod car—his alleged happiness is the measure of his success in the service of his own destruction. It must be added that the emotional state of all those irrationalists cannot be properly designated as happiness or even as pleasure: it is merely a moment’s relief from their chronic state of terror.

Neither life nor happiness can be achieved by the pursuit of irrational whims. Just as man is free to attempt to survive by any random means, as a parasite, a moocher or a looter, but not free to succeed at it beyond the range of the moment—so he is free to seek his happiness in any irrational fraud, any whim, any delusion, any mindless escape from reality, but not free to succeed at it beyond the range of the moment nor to escape the consequences.”

So what is happiness, really? Is it the state of mind, state of consciousness or an irrational whim, which is survived by mere random means? I am really confused now. Yet, when I think about my unhappy state, I often struggle to make peace with my failure. Here by failure I mean the lack of something – a quality, art, virtue or such things that I cannot develop (so I think) now after all these years and am struggling to make my peace with this void. Dancing skills for instance! I have to mention that low self-esteem and lack of confidence and all such things aside, I CANNOT dance. I have made my peace with it. No matter how groovy the beat is and how my vocal cords want me to sing to it, I will sing them but will not dance. Not even at my Best Friend’s Wedding! But, when it comes to admitting them it in front of others, I FAIL. This is the kind of failure I am talking about.

However, I am glad with the kind of ‘unhappiness’ that I often suffer. I envy a lot of people. A LOT! But this envy is nothing remotely close to jealousy or why do they have it and why I don’t. It’s all about what I can do to develop it in me? For instance, flawless writing, a powerful asset for many people I know. Many people I know have a distinct way with words, which I think I lack. I do not wish they didn’t, but I wish to reach up to that level. It is also the reason why I sworn by that birthday resolution not so long ago. What I mean is, I am competitive, but I am never envious over the things that I know I will never have. I know my limitations, which is a good sign no?

I constantly want to find myself perfect. Sometimes visibly and sometimes in other subtle manners (read occasional tantrums, mood swings and obstinate OCD traits) I always try to make them apparent for the people around me. They try to understand me, but not all the time, which wrongs are the equations. Now, will you judge me for being unhappy? Despite being happy, I crave for certain small things of life, like organized closets, shoe racks and book shelves. Would you find me wrong? Does that mean I am one of those people who are never happy even if they got the whole world? I am really confused!

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